u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Everclear isn't food dammit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
