I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
