I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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