so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
