Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
