Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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