I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
