I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
