i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
