Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize