I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
