I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
