That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Boobs speak an international language.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
