This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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