butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my shit smells like andre
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
