A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
