Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
