I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
