he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize