Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
