But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
