true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize