hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
