I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
