why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
