In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
