I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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