Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
