Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
