Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
