so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize