nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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