Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
