Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
