Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
