i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
