he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
