i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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