i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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