I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
