found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
