What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
