u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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