I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
