Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
