oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
