Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry about my life...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
