There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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