I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize