u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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