yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
