All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
