too bad you live with your parents still
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
foreskin is a definite game changer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize