my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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