I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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