whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
