No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize
