I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
