Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
how does that bad decision feel?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
