You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
