Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
