I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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