Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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