He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
