i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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