it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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