It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
