You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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