Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You smell like stripper and shame
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
