Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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