jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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