you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize